Grateful hearts because of our army, all of you. There are no words we can use to describe how much your love has carried us through this week. The prayers, the flowers, the messages, the texts, the books, the meals, the cards, we’ve read them all and they seem to always come in the moments when we need them the most. We are so grateful for all of you and we love you so much.
We promised we would write more about our baby when we were ready. I realize now that ‘ready’ wasn’t the right word because who is ever ‘ready’ for something like this. Our hearts ached as we walked out as two, after going in as three. Even through all the tears and heartache, we absolutely know that we want all of you to know our little one and we want you all to talk about and remember her like we do. It may be met with tears but at least it guarantees that this little miracle baby who saved my life, our lives, will never be forgotten.
World, meet our daughter, Hallie Hope Hart and her beautiful, tiny, most perfect little footprints. We picked out the name Hallie long before any of this happened and we knew Hope was a perfect middle name after the diagnosis.
Hallie will forever be a big piece of our hearts. The ache of her being gone is so real and so heavy right now. We understand it will be very hard for a long time and that the ache will never go away fully but we find comfort in knowing that we will see her again one day. We wondered from day one of being pregnant so many things. Would she have red hair like me or those beautiful blue eyes like her Dad? We were secretly hoping for not both though because imagine the sunburns! Which sense of humor would she inherit? Would she look like one of us or a mix of us? Would she be Team Toews or Team Paisley as her vote would be the tie breaker? We knew one thing though, she was going be a shooter like her Mom after showing off impressive form in one of our ultrasounds. It did lead us to wonder though if she’d ever play defense unlike her Mom. There is so much we will never know about our daughter here on earth and our hearts are broken in ways we can’t describe knowing that.
We’d be lying if we said anything other than we hate so much everything that has happened these past three weeks. We hate every moment that we’ve been robbed of with our daughter because of this awful cancer. We know there will be many moments (probably even stretches of days and weeks) where the hurt will be unbearable but we promise to take care of ourselves while leaning heavily on all of you, our army of support as we tackle each day.
We can tell you this though, more than any of the sadness or anger that we feel, we feel this incredible want and need to be strong for our little Hallie. God sent her to save our lives. She did her part and we want her to know we will do our part in her honor and in her memory. We will fight the good fight and will endure all the hardships coming our way (see ya later hair) just to know we made her proud. We are so thankful we got to be her parents, if only for 19 weeks here on earth.
Please don’t be afraid to talk about Hallie with us! We will all need to be #halliestrong with the challenges ahead of us, but she is all we need to know that no matter how bad it gets, we are all going to come out of this ok.
We will be celebrating Hallie’s life with a private memorial service next week with our immediate families after I get a little more medical clearance from the surgery. You can add strength for that to our list of prayer requests.
With tears in our eyes & so much love in our hearts, we thank you all again for your support on this impossible ride.
Kevin, Beef & our daughter Hallie 💜