Well, that was Hard.

First quarter complete, but alright chemo, I see you. Plain and simple, those days were really hard. I escaped any actual vomiting but man oh man, did it knock me on my butt hard. Not knowing how it is going to affect you messes with you as much mentally as the physical symptoms do. Sunday was my worst day, followed by Saturday. Yesterday was very hard emotionally too for a variety of reasons and it was topped off with an unplanned visit to immediate care. The moments you always feel like you’re going to break are often the ones that dawn a new day, I’ve learned to trust that in whole new ways these days. It actually brings a ton of comfort in those dark moments. For all of you who texted, thank you so much. I was so out of it and didn’t respond much but please know how much the messages of encouragement meant to me in those moments. It literally makes me feel like I have so much to keep going for, so thank you!

As with everything, this too shall pass and here I am, rebounding from round 1. 1 round of chemo down, 3 to go. 5 days of radiation down, 20 to go.

I feel leaps and bounds better today than I did yesterday. I’m still quite exhausted and quite groggy but leaps and bounds better – physically, emotionally and mentally. My mental toughness is 100x stronger alone, thanks to a Jay Cutler-tackling-the-crap-out-of-a-guy gif I woke up too from my brother this morning as he encouraged me to tackle the week of radiation head on. Jay for the win, Chris for the win.

Schedule for the week is easy: 5 days of radiation. Kevin and I endured the blizzard fallout this morning to tackle day one, my bestie Sheila is taking me Tuesday & Thursday (she’s a saint!) and my Mom and sister are taking me Wednesday and Friday. I’m super excited for my sister to be in town come Thursday!

A special shout out to the girls basketball team at Charlotte Catholic, where my cousin coaches. They sent me an incredible pair of CC sweats and you better believe I rocked them today at radiation. They are amazing, thank you!! Have a great season and take it from me, shoot the ball!

My goal for the week is to enjoy every moment of Christmas. I have some serious time to make up and as I feel a bit better everyday from chemo, I want to make the most of the time we have left! I bought some wrapping paper today so there’s my task to go for perhaps tomorrow. For today, I’m posted up in our chair by our (fake) fire, listening to Christmas music, happy as a clam considering, hydrating this grogginess away.

I was standing at our window this morning watching the dogs play in the snow and I couldn’t help but be overwhelmed at how much good is going on in our lives amidst all this s*** (sorry Mom). I’m thankful I can have those moments and I trust y’all to keep challenging me to find those moments! Kevin and I had a really neat moment yesterday afternoon – the snow was blizzarding beautifully and there was this big cardinal sitting in our tree outside of our window – as if to say, everything is going to be ok when this passes. And Kevin? What a champ. We’ve been in this house for a week now and he has warriored through so much of it (and thank you to all our helping hands!!). I would come to at different moments this weekend to hear him shoveling the driveway, unpacking the master room, stuffing boxes into the crawl space, emptying out the garage. You all would be so impressed with how put together this home is already. And then to top it off? I wake up this morning to my favorite outfit laid out for treatment. He is literally doing it all for me! It brings tears to my eyes, I’m so thankful for him. And I’m so proud of our house! Our 4 year anniversary is coming up next week — how crazy is that? Still my favorite day ever, that wedding. The perfect snow the night before, those pictures at the red barn, the moment during our reception where Kevin and I stopped and just marveled at all the people who were there for us and how special that was. It’s funny because I feel that on a whole new level these days with the ways you’ve all shown up for us in this battle. I’ll save the sappy for our actual anniversary but trust me, I have a lot to share!

Alright well re-reading this one makes me realize how jumbled my brain really is still, but at least it’s an update & at least it is my brain getting some exercise. Radio silence is never a good thing around here, ha! Thank you a 100 times for your prayers and keep them coming. And go out today and celebrate Christmas in some sort of fun way, only what, 13 days to go?!

Beef

 

5 thoughts on “Well, that was Hard.

  1. Once again I am in awe of your post–what an amazing journey filled with grace, challenge, despair, and yes, laughter. Your husband, family and friends are incredible! Hang in there and know we are all with you every step of the way…

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  2. Christmas is a great time to find happiness, even if there is a bunch of that other stuff happening. By the way, ran home to meet the dryer repair man — and guess what — the Help Beef Beat Cancer T-shirts were in my mailbox. So, Ted and I will be wearing them soon — maybe we can get a picture.

    Love to you both.

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  3. So glad you are on the other side of a very difficult week. Stay strong and know we are all praying and thinking of you. We love you both so much kudos to Kevin so proud of him as well ā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļøšŸŽ„šŸŽ„šŸŽ„šŸŽ„

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