I’m quickly realizing that this blog serves so many purposes. Sometimes it’s a therapeutic outlet for me (thanks for indulging), a lot of times it’s an easy tool to keep everyone in the loop, today it’s a pure medium of request for prayers. Three requests specifically. I know, I’m getting greedy but I promise they’re needed.
It has been a really hard day.
First: my adventure to radiation with Sheila today ended up being radiation + a few hours at the hospital. Sorry Sheila!! There’s no shame in our friendship after today, but I will tell you how much I love having her by my side through this. Cheesy but she is the type of person that always makes you feel like everything is going to be ok. I started having pain in my stomach when we got there for radiation – it was what I’d imagine contractions to be – sharp pains that came and went. After radiation, I met with my amazing doctors and nurse and they quickly got the ball rolling on taking care of me. For as much progress as I made yesterday, I felt just as crappy today. They sent me off to X-rays first to make sure I didn’t have a bowel obstruction, which can happen with the surgery I had. X-rays thankfully came back negative. I then was sent for fluids and morphine. See ya later Beef. We are going to monitor for two days – the way it’s explained to me is chemo and radiation are very hard on your body and when you’re also recovering from a major surgery, some of those side effects all overlap to create some side effects that suck. Some side effect you learn to live with and others you don’t, abdominal pain you don’t. While we monitor, I’m on an all liquids diet + pain meds. If things don’t get better, we will do a CT scan. So, first request – pray that it’s just a side effect and “this too shall pass.”
Second: my nurse just called and my hemoglobin counts are really low so I need to go back in tomorrow morning before radiation for another CBC. If they are still that low, a blood transfusion might be necessary. That’s just freaky. So second request: let those counts be where they need to be tomorrow morning! I guess if they aren’t and a blood transfusion is what makes you feel better, we will conquer it but doesn’t it sound freaky?! I asked my brother if we could get that Cutler blood!
Third: I’m exhausted, I’m emotionally exhausted. I swear these tears today aren’t my fault, that’s the morphine. Cancer is not a battle, cancer is a freaking war. A war with 100 battles to win just in a day, it seems sometimes. I know I will get acclimated to this and I know this too shall pass, but for right now it’s hard getting used to this world of counts and side effects and everything else. I’m learning this requires you to pay attention to every signal your body is giving you and it’s a learning curve to what you act on and what you don’t. So my third request for today: pray that I catch on quick to this cancer learning curve and pray that we find peace in some weird way of all this nonsense. Aka we learn how to trust our “cancer instincts.”
For now I’m home in bed. Home Alone is on tap for my next Christmas movie wise. Kevin is running to Walgreens for the 33rd time I think this week. Thank you, thank you, thank you for taking some time today to read this one and thank you in advance for all the prayers and positive thoughts. My army = true squad goals!
So much love,