I’m an 8.1

8.1 squad, 8.1! That’s my white blood count today. #baller My counts in the past were usually somewhere in the 1.2-1.5 range this week & if you remember when I was admitted to the hospital I was a 0.9, so 8.1 is a big deal! The important number within that count, my nurse today called them the small whites or the ANC or neutrophils (identity crisis) also came back at a respectable 5.7. #nailedit I guess that shot really is worth it!

I did lose 4-ish pounds since last week, insert monkey-eye-covering-emoji here. This is not the time we want to be losing weight! We made a detour at Culver’s on the way home and I swear my Mom ordered my ice cream in a cone so I’d HAVE to eat it immediately. Sneaky lady.

Enough of the medical stuff. Who gets sick of that anyways?!

Last night as I was laying in bed I started researching exercising while going through treatment. Y’all obviously know I’ve been an athlete all my life and once I become washed up at that, I started running. I’m a terrible runner (like think klunky and slow, if that’s even a word) but my competitive streak keeps me signing up for half marathons just to prove myself wrong that I can in fact do it. Once I got pregnant it was harder to run distances so I’m going on 5 months now of no true physical activity. Bad. for. Beef.

I was reading that while you obviously have to be super careful and germy gyms aren’t for me right now, walking can actually really help with exhaustion. So last night I got my butt out of bed, put on my coat and walked a bit in the neighborhood. It wasn’t far & my heart was racing more than I’d like to admit but I did it. And I went right back to bed.

As I was wrapping up work today, I noticed the sun peaked out. After 736 days without sun (or so it seems), I laced up the shoes and headed out to soak it in. It was such a beautiful sunset! I made it twice as far today. And I didn’t crawl into bed after!

I finally have something I can control. I finally have something that feels kind of normal. I made progress on something. There is SO much out of my control right now and for a control freak like me, that is equal parts terrifying and humbling. I’ve learned to be ok with things like never before and while I’m sure it’s making me a better human, I don’t like it! But now I have my walks. I’ve set a goal to get outside for a walk each day. Even if it’s super short. Push myself when I can.

Those of you who know me well know I’m super cheesy when it comes to music. I love me some good lyrics. Country music is my fave, a night around a bonfire with music playing is my perfect night. While I was walking tonight the song, “It All Started with a  Beer,” came on. The chorus goes like this & boy did it hit me hard:

There’s been highs, there’s been lows, fast lane freeways and bumpy roads
Cursed the devil and prayed to Heaven, lost it all when we rolled some sevens
Been more smiles than there’s been tears, been more good than bad years
Ain’t it crazy baby how we got here…

Ain’t it crazy how we got here. If I had a dollar for every time I’ve said to Kevin, “how in the world did we get here?” But. No matter how crappy all of this is & trust me, it’s freaking crappy, it has felt like we have truly lost it all, the truth remains that there are more smiles then there are tears. There have been more good than bad years. And God willing there will be many more good years to come when this is behind us. I will continue to hold on fast to that during these remaining weeks of treatment when things are HARD.

 

 

 

10 thoughts on “I’m an 8.1

  1. Congrats on…a.) being an 8.1…talk about impressive! I think that has to be some kind of record in a post-chemo world. Way to keep that competitive spirit alive. AND b.) finding an outlet like walking. It’s funny how a little exercise (and God willing sunshine) is so good for the soul. Keep doing what you’re doing, and song lyrics are kinda the best. Music is such a good way to not only share life experiences, but also to connect to someone else’s story. Praying for you!

    Like

  2. I’m so proud of you! Keep fighting! I’m glad you have found walking as an outlet. I had recently started walking regularly many years ago when Amy, Tom and Dana were in a terrible car accident and a few months later, Bruce had a stroke. I continued getting out there even though I was busier than ever – Dr. visits and surgeries for years. I know you will find strength as I did, mentally and physically, even though I wasn’t the patient. I’ll be thinking of you every time I walk now – sending good vibes your way!
    I think my family would be surprised to know that I am a big country music fan – loved your song reference. I’m all about the lyrics, too!

    Like

  3. Who hoooooo! Yay for the high count. Points for Beef. Keep up the good work as walking is excellent for you. Even if those days you want to stay in bed, a small walk is so good for the endorphins – Small victories at not climbing back in bed though and for increased strength.

    Joshua who is 4, decided on gummy bears after his cereal for breakfast today- I thought- why not??? I know you love starbursts (as Joshua use to say- star-burgers- erst-maybe there should be a dose added to your daily breakfast. 😂 LOL

    Love ya girl- proud of you. #halliestrong#cancersucks#eatcandyforbreakfast

    Xo
    Melissa

    Like

  4. I sure am praying for you, Bethany! Thanks for being so honest in your posts.
    I’m so glad you have your walks in God’s great amazing outdoors. Look for Him and soak Him up. He’s there beside you.

    Like

  5. *insert Hilary in a puddle on the floor after reading those song lyircs* you are in the THICK of it but boy oh boy do you have many many more good years ahead of you! Each day is one day closer to your normal, your dreams, your celebrations.

    Love you beefy so impressed by you every single day!!!

    Like

  6. YOUR SPIRIT, YOUR SOUL, YOUR FAITH REKINDLED, YOUR PURPOSE, BREAKING YOU DOWN TO BE REBUILT, REBORN, WHAT TRULY MATTERS, YOUR ANSWER

    Like

  7. You are a pretty amazing kid “Beef”! You are funny, tender, vulnerably honest and raw, and such a positive fighter! Keep that competitive fight going strong! So impressed to hear your goals on walking each day! You are inspiring!! You have your family and a great hubby and such wonderful friends and support! Most importantly you have your faith a a God who is walking each step along side of you! You keep up the strong, positive fight and we will all keep praying each of you through!! Have a good walk tomorrow! I pray you will experience new insights as you breathe in the fresh air and see what only He has for you!

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s