I’m an 8.1

8.1 squad, 8.1! That’s my white blood count today. #baller My counts in the past were usually somewhere in the 1.2-1.5 range this week & if you remember when I was admitted to the hospital I was a 0.9, so 8.1 is a big deal! The important number within that count, my nurse today called them the small whites or the ANC or neutrophils (identity crisis) also came back at a respectable 5.7. #nailedit I guess that shot really is worth it!

I did lose 4-ish pounds since last week, insert monkey-eye-covering-emoji here. This is not the time we want to be losing weight! We made a detour at Culver’s on the way home and I swear my Mom ordered my ice cream in a cone so I’d HAVE to eat it immediately. Sneaky lady.

Enough of the medical stuff. Who gets sick of that anyways?!

Last night as I was laying in bed I started researching exercising while going through treatment. Y’all obviously know I’ve been an athlete all my life and once I become washed up at that, I started running. I’m a terrible runner (like think klunky and slow, if that’s even a word) but my competitive streak keeps me signing up for half marathons just to prove myself wrong that I can in fact do it. Once I got pregnant it was harder to run distances so I’m going on 5 months now of no true physical activity. Bad. for. Beef.

I was reading that while you obviously have to be super careful and germy gyms aren’t for me right now, walking can actually really help with exhaustion. So last night I got my butt out of bed, put on my coat and walked a bit in the neighborhood. It wasn’t far & my heart was racing more than I’d like to admit but I did it. And I went right back to bed.

As I was wrapping up work today, I noticed the sun peaked out. After 736 days without sun (or so it seems), I laced up the shoes and headed out to soak it in. It was such a beautiful sunset! I made it twice as far today. And I didn’t crawl into bed after!

I finally have something I can control. I finally have something that feels kind of normal. I made progress on something. There is SO much out of my control right now and for a control freak like me, that is equal parts terrifying and humbling. I’ve learned to be ok with things like never before and while I’m sure it’s making me a better human, I don’t like it! But now I have my walks. I’ve set a goal to get outside for a walk each day. Even if it’s super short. Push myself when I can.

Those of you who know me well know I’m super cheesy when it comes to music. I love me some good lyrics. Country music is my fave, a night around a bonfire with music playing is my perfect night. While I was walking tonight the song, “It All Started with a  Beer,” came on. The chorus goes like this & boy did it hit me hard:

There’s been highs, there’s been lows, fast lane freeways and bumpy roads
Cursed the devil and prayed to Heaven, lost it all when we rolled some sevens
Been more smiles than there’s been tears, been more good than bad years
Ain’t it crazy baby how we got here…

Ain’t it crazy how we got here. If I had a dollar for every time I’ve said to Kevin, “how in the world did we get here?” But. No matter how crappy all of this is & trust me, it’s freaking crappy, it has felt like we have truly lost it all, the truth remains that there are more smiles then there are tears. There have been more good than bad years. And God willing there will be many more good years to come when this is behind us. I will continue to hold on fast to that during these remaining weeks of treatment when things are HARD.