Cancer is a b*tch. And good morning by the way! Sadly the radio silence has been a direct reflection of how rough these past few days were. I think yesterday was the worst day physically I’ve had since this all started.
I was actually doing relatively well Friday into Saturday. It sure helped that every time I woke up from my slumber my Mom was cooking something downstairs to entice me to eat or that I had the luxury of coffee mornings with my babysitters (Hilary & Mom) which I really fell in love with. Things turned Saturday night and into Sunday morning when I started throwing up though, which isn’t normal for my chemo fallout. As Sunday went on, I progressively felt worse and worse. Turns out I had an infection & my doc got me on a prescription Sunday evening. Yesterday was hell, there’s no other way to put it. My doctor said Sunday how glad he was that we’re done with chemo as these side effects all start to add up. Yes. Yes they do. If I had a ‘cry uncle’ button like that ‘easy’ button from the Staples commercial, I would’ve hit it 10 times yesterday, through tears. I don’t write this for pity, I write this for perspective. When my treatment plan was laid out for me back in November, I never could’ve known the physical toll it would take on me. I was warned but that didn’t even do it justice. When someone asks me someday what’s the hardest thing you’ve ever done, I’ll easily reply with, “surviving chemo.”
And then just like that, you turn a corner.
I am feeling quite sluggish today and I’ve got a few things bothering me, but I have definitely rebounded. My world is very hazy right now.
Today is day 7 of the 21 days in a round. The stress on my mind right now is these remaining 14 days & keeping myself healthy – specifically next week when my counts tank. Day 22 seems too far away in this current moment, but I am fixated on getting there because days 22 means I can finally start to heal physically. I have scans and doctor appointments on my mind too but I really don’t have the mental energy at this point to think about those.
A sincere thank you for all the prayers this round. Your texts & messages of encouragement are the things that keep me going in really hard moments. Keep praying for this body of mine, we’ve come this far & also for this heart of mine because this has been so, so much.