Checking In 

Round 5 continues to take its toll. My counts this week were the lowest I’ve seen them since before Round 3. I was hoping to break free from home last night to participate in a work event, but my WBC was too low. I had a new outfit and all so that news was a total buzz kill. I got my hopes up big time and since my counts hadn’t been low like that for a long time, I hadn’t even considered it as an option. I’ve gotten good at missing out on life, but the surprise of this one really bummed me out. I’m also anemic, which explains the crazy exhaustion, so the hibernation continues.

And yes, you guessed it, fluids. Stupid water. 

5 days until my post-chemo check up with Dr. Potkul. When I think about it I get butterflies in my stomach. Part because any doctor appointment moving forward will have that element to it and part because I want to know when my body scan will be scheduled for. I’ve never been good at the whole patience thing and patience seems exponentially harder down home stretch. 

Emotions are all over the place but most of the time this week, I actually feel like I feel nothing. It’s probably because I’m so physically exhausted. Too tired to feel, to process – that’s a thing, isn’t it? It’s just a really weird week. I think that’s the right, rather best word to describe it. It’s hard to explain and thus I haven’t felt inspired to share. Perhaps because nothing quite makes sense right now. Perhaps also because it’s a weird place medically as we wait for NED & we prepare to tackle a post-cancer life. One foot in front of the other, one day at a time. I continue to hold close to Esther 4:14 this week as it really is the only thing I’ve found hope in. I also hate Pinterest these days. Everything that pops up on my feed is about delivering a baby or newborns. I deleted that app this morning, for now. I’ve also found myself straying from social media and instead picking up books. I can only see so much. 

Continue to keep us is your prayers. We know these are the days that are deep in the trenches and we know how hard it can be to walk alongside someone in those times. So many of you continue to do that tirelessly for us and we appreciate your love & support so much.

Beef

4 thoughts on “Checking In 

  1. We love you, sweetheart. And we’re behind you all the way. Keep fighting! You will beat this awful disease.
    Stay strong!💗💚💗💚💗💚💗💚💗💚💗💚

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  2. Thinking of you during this time Bethany. I wish I had the right things to say, but I know deep down there’s no quite right words. Just keep doing what you’re doing, feeling what you’re feeling and knowing that you are surrounded with a cloak of love and support from this community around you. Sending prayers up every single day.

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  3. Dearest Bethany,
    I am so sorry that the counts were to low to get out. Hang in there. I continue to lift you up to the throne of God! You’ll be sporting that new outfit soon enough; I can’t wait to see it by the way.

    5 days- it seems like an eternity, but it’s right around the corner. Praying for NEDS and for life to get a little more normal. I know thoughts of Hallie are near as well as her birth-date is coming up. Normal will never quite be as you thought it, but we will always remember and love Hallie for her sacrifice for Gods greater purpose in yours and Kevin’s life.
    Love,
    Melissa

    Psalm 46:10 be still and know that I am God!

    #cancersucks#halliestrong#5days#Hartsforthewin

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