Cancer Free!!

So, what does it feel like to be told you’re cancer free & you have no restrictions? I have no freaking idea!! I can’t settle myself down enough to even start processing through what happened today.

Before I jump in, I’d be remiss in not first saying happy birthday to my Dad! Totally stole his thunder today but he promises me a cancer-free daughter is the best present he could ever get. And secondly, a huge congrats to our BFF Besties Moe & Sheila on welcoming their son, Nolan David late last night! I’d like to think his timing is everything – he came a couple weeks early just to join today’s celebration. He is perfect & so precious and his mom is a warrior!! I love knowing Nolan will only know me as his cancer-free-Aunt-B!!

I met with both my Oncologist and my Radiation Oncologist, as well as both of my nurses with them.ย Each conversation was peppered with a lot of this:

  • “So you’re telling me I can do anything?” “Yes, Bethany, that’s restriction free.”
  • “Does this mean I can work out?” “Yes, Bethany, that’s restriction free.”
  • “Wait, so does this mean I can get on a plane?”ย “Yes, Bethany, that’s restriction free.”
  • “Wait, I can finally get a manicure & pedicure!”ย “Yes, Bethany, that’s restriction free.”
  • “Does this mean I can stop washing my hands all the time?” “Well, we still recommend you wash your hands, Bethany.” Haha! ….But perhaps I can finally throw away the 18 bottles of hand sanitizer?! Yes, yes you can.

It’s going to take me awhile to get used to “normal” life again! I can’t quite process it in my mind. ย My next doctor’s appointment is….get this….June 27th. 3 freaking months away. WOW. That feels so surreal!

So what is going through my mind? A million things. You want a raw look into a newly-crowned-cancer-SURVIVOR, here you go!!

I was so excited to share the news with all of you today. You, our army of support, have no idea the impact you’ve had on me and Kevin. You have walked with us through our darkest days and you have also been our biggest cheerleaders. Our win today is so much because of you. I mean it when I say there’s no way we survive these circumstances without ALL of your prayers, support, acts of kindness, meals, texts, etc. No way.

I can’t believe we are celebrating being cancer free. I continue to ask myself how in the heck did we get here. How is this our celebration. I don’t think we’ll ever have answers but celebrate we will.

I am so PROUD to be a SURVIVOR now instead of a fighter. I am so thankful to be done with treatment. Keep in mind, I was puking my guts out for the first 15 weeks of my pregnancy. I was diagnosed at 16 weeks. I had surgery 3 weeks later and treatment started 5 weeks after that. My body does NOT know normal! It’s been almost a year!! I am thankful that I now have time to heal. I am thankful my hair, starting today, gets to start growing back!! I wonder what normal feels like and I’m pumped to be on the up and up to feeling “normal.”

I am SO thankful for our doctors and nurses. I pray to God everyday none of you ever have to face anything like this in your lives but the sad part is, someone will or someone you love will. Loyola is your place! They have taken such incredible care of my physical body but they’ve gone out of their way to take care of our hearts. No one knows how to navigate this, they tell us that all the time, but every single person on our medical team did it so beautifully. It brings tears to my eyes!!

And lastly, our hearts ache. I can’t stay on this topic much for today, but I will say this…. This celebration, this win today, came at a mighty, mighty expense. I understand conceptually that Hallie was created to save my life but that is really freaking hard to be the recipient of. No child should ever save their parent! For as big as my smile is today, there’s an ever bigger hole in my heart behind that smile. I did my absolute best everyday to remember who I was fighting for. In my worst of moments, I tried to pickย myself up by thinking of my daughter’s sacrifice. I fight because she didn’t get to. For some reason God decided it was me and while I’ll always struggle accepting that, I do so in honor of Hallie. I fought everyday to make her proud. I sure hope I did!! Someday I’ll get the one hug & huge high five that I want more than anything — from her!!

Love you all so much, Team Beef. So freaking much.

We are CANCER FREE!!!!!!!!

19 thoughts on “Cancer Free!!

  1. AMAZING! All of it! Proud of your perseverance, Bethany! Celebrate your joy today! Restriction free!
    #halliestrong

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  2. Amazing stuff, Beef! So joyful for you and K-Fed. Reading all the stories from you guys and your family and friends has been inspirational. Such amazing words on Hallie, she will always be in our hearts. We’ll continue praying for your speedy return to “no restrictions”!

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  3. So, so happy! Best news ever! Cancer free, restriction free, such lovely words!!! May the celebration begin๐ŸŽ‰๐Ÿพ Love you much๐Ÿ˜

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  4. That is such GREAT NEWS. I was crying by time I finished reading it. Looking forward to seeing both of you at COMISKEY some time this summer

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Omg ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ So SO excited and happy for you!!!! Us 6SW nurses have been rooting for you!!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Words cannot express the joy in hearing those words!
    Praise the Lord! I know this trial has tested you in a most devastating way. Tears come to my eyes as this weekend holds yet the hardest day ever, the day Hallie would have been born, and I am praying for you all as you celebrate her short life in the coming week. One thing I so appreciate is that you made it ok for us to talk about her. It’s wonderful hearing the ‘cancer~Free- because all along we have been #halliestrong and it makes this a little bit better because we know she’s in heaven smiling down (maybe even sitting on Jesus’s lap), so happy that you have made it, you have conquered this cancer.

    Love and continued prayers sweet Bethany, aka Beef. You’ll always be Bethany to me. ๐Ÿ™‚ and to Kevin. (Having married a Kevin, I know you are an absolute doll and huge support system to Bethany). Xo

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    1. You will never know how much your support has meant, your notes have been especially special to me!! I hope to see you soon!! Happy birthday to your Kevin! He sure got a gem in you! All my love!! ๐Ÿ’œ

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  7. Wow!!! That is wonderful news for all of you. What a journey the two of you have traveled and handled it in such a beautiful way. The humor, sorrow, strength, fear and courage you allowed your team to go through with you are all true inspiration to all of those who have or will face cancer. Thank you for being so open about all that you faced during your ups and downs.

    Peace to you both and to the entire Team BEEF.

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  8. You’re so amazing, Beef and this is the most amazing news ever! I can’t stop smiling for you!! ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿปโ™ฅ๏ธ Can’t wait for you to enjoy normal life, because it’s so deserved!! โ™ฅ๏ธโ™ฅ๏ธโ™ฅ๏ธ

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  9. I’ve been thinking about you all day with a big smile on my face since I heard your news! I can’t even imagine how you are feeling right now! You are amazing! A STC reunion is over due ๐Ÿ˜€ Enjoy every second of today!

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  10. Celebrate we will, cause life is short but sweet for certain! Thank you for sharing this journey and more so for sharing your heart and soul as you’ve navigated this path that is so uncertain. I had tears reading your news and I think as you make your way back to “normal” you will find a new normal that is much sweeter, inspiring and magnificent than you imagined. You continue to be a beautiful shining star of inspiration for others. My heart and prayers continue to be with you and your family this week and I’m always around as you move forward to your new title as survivor!

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  11. I have been sending so much love & hope to you from afar, Bethany, and am now crying after reading your post! You are simply amazing!! xx, Katie

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    1. Hello Beef & Kevin. Your JOY brings as many tears to my eyes as your sorrow has. If you had not been a FIGHTER, you may not be a SURVIVOR. The love, the bond and the strength the two you have experienced will be a great foundation for your marriage. Your child saved your life and now the two of you have forever to show her it was a mighty sacrifice and you are lovingly grateful.
      We love you and CONGRATULATE BOTH OF YOU. I have witnessed Cancer Free and know the smile is not just on your face — it is also deeply embedded in your heart.

      Love from Blondie and Uncle Ted

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