The song that I clung too in the lowest moments since October, the song I’ve talked so much about on here – Held – is about a family who lost their 2 month old. It’s about how unfair it is but in our darkest times, we are simply held to get through. The chorus goes,
“This is what it means to be held, how it feels when the sacred is torn from your life and you survive. This is what it means to be loved and to know that the promise was when everything fell, you’d be held.”
What that song became for me is an escape for 3-4 minutes (and most times on repeat several times) from the grief, the doubt, the fear, as it always made me think about the incredible acts of kindness done on our behalf. I would play in my head a conversation, a text, whatever it was and I was always able to shift my thinking into realizing how lucky Kevin & I are for our support system, how much we were truly held through all of this.
My immense desire to someday be able to thank Team Beef plus my desire for a motivating force that was positive and something to look forward too led to the idea of a beat cancer party being born around round 3 or 4 of chemo. By round 5, it’s all we talked about. I remember vividly sitting at my kitchen counter with Hilary & Kevin the night before round 5 telling them I had this vision of blasting We Are the Champions to a champagne toast. Let me just say, that plan worked out. 🙂
Fast forward to Saturday and at one point I stood on my deck during the party and saw college teammates, my Yelp family, our families from near and far, great friends from all walks of life. It took everything inside of me not to burst into tears of gratitude. Tough times show true colors and the people in that backyard are a big reason why we survived. They each held us in some way and to have them all one place is something I’ll never forget.
And what a perfect day it was. Hallie even got a Snapchat filter! 💚
We had a photo booth that was far too much fun:I got my wish of finally being able to toast a glass of champagne to everyone …in my champagne hat:And what I’m most happy about, everyone signed a canvas that we will proudly display in our future nursery so that Baby Hart will always have a reminder of his/her hero of a big sister:
Thanks to everyone for coming out and to all of those that were there in spirit. We had so much fun with you all.
While I hate why we had to have this party, I ended my short speech by saying that I hope the next time we all gather it’ll be to celebrate the adoption of our child. What a celebration that’ll be. We have so much to hope for, so much to be grateful for. Halliestrong. 💚
So much love,
Kevin & Beef