Father’s Day 💖

We were lucky enough to spend the last five days in northern Michigan with two of our best friends Hilary & Andy. The beach, beautiful weather, four dogs and four humans, so much laughter and the perfect distraction from today, Father’s Day. We are so thankful for such incredible friends that have walked everyday of this journey with us.We took this family picture two nights ago and while I love it so much (all three puppies looking?!), there’s just a glaring emptiness to it without Hallie. I know with all my heart that Hallie would’ve had her Dad’s blue eyes and that’s what crushes my heart all over again today.

Truth be told, I’ve written and re-written this blog post 100x. I can’t quite seem to articulate what I want to say in a meaningful way. 

What I want to say is this is so unfair. For some reason, I can rationalize & normalize in my mind when something happens to me. But to see Kevin with empty arms today, it hits me in a whole new way. 

What I want to say is Kevin melts my heart over and over when I see him with our best friends kids. He is so patient, so much fun. Heck, he’s practically a kid himself, so of course he’s amazing with them. Those are the moments that tear your heart to pieces more than anything, it’s so confusing. It’s one part pure joy and it’s equal part a desperation for Hallie to be that kiddo he’s holding or chasing. It’s all parts sadness over the reality that it’ll never be Hallie.

What I want to say is how these days flood you with the realization of how many moments you’ll continue to be robbed of. Kevin and I always joked about having a girl between my tomboy ways (aka how would I ever be able to do her hair?!) and Kevin’s perceived inability to watch his daughter date boys. How could we?! But when we found out we were pregnant and I told Kevin I knew it was a girl – all I kept telling him was he was going to get that one moment with his daughter that I had with my Dad, one of the greatest moments of my life: walking down the aisle together. I kept telling him how special it would be. I was so happy for him. I can’t articulate what it feels like to know he’ll never have that with Hallie. 

What I want to say is how much I admire Kevin’s ability to make the most out of any situation he’s in. He’s the only human in the world that could’ve held us up through all of this. He’s the only human in the world that could say today, “I’m just trying to focus on the positive. We are almost on profile.” 

But these milestones are the worst. The absolute worst. 

I will take a page from his book and look forward to what our story will become. There’s a baby out there somewhere that God is going to bring into our lives and I pray over and over that this is the last Father’s Day Kevin has to spend with empty arms. That child is going to have a Dad that loves fiercely, laughs passionately, and will work so hard everyday to provide. A Dad that challenges him/her to always be the best version of themselves, to chase their dreams. A Dad that will keep him/her close in the tough days but will push them to be independent as they grow up. A Dad that will inevitably keep their Mom on her toes as he will likely be a little reckless in how high he pushes the swing or how high up he throws them in the air. No escaping that! A Dad that leads by example, an example of respect and love. A Dad that shows no situation can’t be championed without a positive attitude and a little bit of faith and humor. A Dad that tells the absolute corniest jokes. A Dad that is simply the best. 

That’s your Dad, Hallie! I know you’re looking down upon him today and I know that someday when you two are reunited, it’ll be the biggest hug ever sweet girl. I don’t know which one of you needs it more! 💖

Happy Father’s Day Kevin! I love you with all my heart. 💚

8 thoughts on “Father’s Day 💖

  1. DEar Bethany and Kevin,
    Before I even got your post, I was sitting in church and said a prayer for you. I know these holidays are so hard and this Father’s Day you would be without your precious Hallie. The first holiday seems always the hardest. You both will be wonderful parents one day and I am praying constantly for open doors for the child that God would have for you. Your pictures on the beach are precious, but the ache in your heart of no Hallie here on earth is probably so thick that I am sure some days you feel like it’s hard to breathe!

    You have both been through such a challenge in your marriage. Keep clinging to each other and to our Savious who is holding you close. Even though the pain is real, and super hard, there is a bigger plan that you may never see, but I am praying that it would be clear here on earth.

    Every post you have written lately, before you had even sent it, God laid you both on my heart, and I having been praying specifically for your future. It’s so funny. I meant to write after each one, but have been prevented due to life stuff. Christina and Luke are in Mexico now serving with Trek and doing Vacation Bible school and work projects. It’s exciting- I can’t wait to hear on Tuesday night when they come home.

    This is my favorite verse that I read this past month when God laid you on my heart…. Matthew 5:14,16 “you are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill, cannot be hidden. Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your father in heaven.” Matthew 7:7 “ask and it will be given to you;seek and you shall find, and to him who knocks the door will be opened to you.
    Love you both!
    Ps- love love your hair Bethany!! You two are the cutest couple!! Love your smiles and kevin- I love how you take care of our Bethany!!


  2. Thinking of you in your first of many Father’s days Kevin! I know Hallie is right beside you today as always and helping to guide the perfect child into yalls life. The best is yet to come and your children are going to be so blessed with you as their father. I cant wait to see what extra guests we add to our miele/hart family vacay next year!! Xoxoxoxo

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Happy Father’s Day Kevin. You and Bethany are beautiful people!! I pray every day for you. I pray for God to bring you peace. I pray for God to bring you comfort. And I pray for beautiful babies for you. I know it’s not the story you planned for – but you astound me with your courage, vulnerability, and strength. I’m excited for you future and I’m thankful for Bathany’s recovery!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I have used more Kleenex the last 8 months than ever before…….if there was some way I could take away your pain, there would be NO DOUBT that I would, or the hundreds of other family and friends that you have. I’m sure Hallie is helping to pick out her sibling and excited that some day she’s going to be the big sister! What a wonderful family reunion that will be some day! Happy Father’s Day, Kevin 💝 Love, hugs, and kisses to all of you.

    Liked by 1 person

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