How can I best describe yesterday? Cruel and unusual punishment I think is fitting, maybe even an understatement actually! Seriously!
Imagine getting into a car. Your destination is a place where you first had to digest the news. Where you lost so much. Where you spent so many days receiving treatment. Where you spent painful days and nights. A hospital. What’s waiting for you there is Scenario 1: another new lease on life or Scenario 2: well, you just can’t say it out loud. You wait to be called back. You then sit in the room for a half hour. A half hour! Your stomach is in knots you’ve never known before. You look at your watch to see your heart rate consistently at 100 BPM. It’s different this time around. The first time you had no idea what treatment meant or what it’d do to you. This time around, you know exactly what that second scenario would mean physically, emotionally and mentally. The room is silent because you just can’t muster any words, your brain is too transfixed on the what ifs.
And then within 10 seconds of your doctor walking in, he tells you your scans are all clear and you feel a wave of relief that can’t be described.
Thank God for that. Seriously, we are so, so thankful for clear scans. It isn’t lost on us that clear scans are a huge deal. There are zero guarantees with cancer. Zero. My goodness. Cancer is so cruel. I’m not sure what’s worse – the treatment or that process yesterday! I pray it’ll get easier every time because my goodness.
It’s clear. We are clear! Thank you a million times again for all the support this past week – especially to Moe & Sheila who hosted and fed us two late nights in a row to keep us busy and laughing. We celebrated last night with a Beef special: pizza, a glass of champagne and an 8pm bedtime. We will pop that Dom Friday (Kelly, for the win on that!). 🙂 I am exhausted in so many ways. Physically of course but mentally and emotionally even more so. This life is really hard. We just keep waking up each day, grateful for another day, and move forward. Some days it’s forward two steps, other days it’s two miles. We even have days of 200 miles. Make the most of every dang moment, that’s all you can do!
On the up & up in other news, my birthday is Monday. Another bittersweet day. We booked a last minute trip to New Orleans for it. I could not be more excited to get out of town with Kevin. No agenda, no plans. Eat, sleep, drink, laugh, people watch, repeat. I look forward to a lot of fun, off the grid. I need it. We need it.
Love you all so much. So grateful for all of you. So grateful to wake up today NED!